Walkin' Around Issaquah

I put on my tennis shoes and reached for my hat. I was ready to go, ready to dive into the past and produce wonderfully profound revelations for the future, instead I realized I lost my camera. My frenzied search produced nothing but frustration and the necessity to take off my jacket. Eventually, I found my camera hidden in an obscure drawer, but nonetheless the camera provided my first realization. Life does not behave according to my desires and because I tend to live with a strict schedule and attainable goals, I easily become annoyed by anomalies. And as I stepped out of my door, I looked at my life, my attitude, my character and I realized I was not proud of the person I was becoming. It was a sobering thought and I struggled to discover why I was so disappointed in myself. I looked at the past year and mulled over what I had done or learn- it yielded some surprising and silly thoughts. 1) I adore quotes (especially cliched ones) 2). C. S. Lewis is my main man 3). I am not a party person 4). My greatest enjoyment is talking with friends for hours 5). I hate physics 6). I have begun to question my dream to become a doctor 7). This year was not at all what I expected 8). I tend to cowardice 9). I have a thing for staircases 10). I have strayed from God. Upon my last realization  I uncovered the source of my despondency, in the midst of school, friends, and sports I had neglected God. I then proceeded to rationalize my actions, repeating meaningless excuses that serve no purpose, but soon I let the weight of this statement hit me. It was saddening and discouraging to fully view my sinful nature; but then it was almost as if God spoke to me. He whispered I am not finished with you yet. In this moment, I found hope and came to the most important revelation God doesn't ask that I fix myself. He merely desires to heal me, be with me, and love me. I try so hard to make myself into a good Christian girl and quickly become disenchanted with the impossible task I've set before myself. I so often decide that reading my Bible and saying a nighttime prayer determines my status as a 'good Christian' and forget about God altogether. Instead of allowing God to work within me, I section His power off, limiting His plans to small portions of my life. I believe this occurs because of two reasons- firstly I am questioned very little about my faith and secondly I do not passionately love God. Thus, I formed my New Years Resolution. I want to fall in love with God. It doesn't have to be dramatic or inspiring; simply I hope to have a true and steadfast relationship with God. In order to do so, I plan to prayer much more (whether it be spontaneous or a specific time), to read my Bible (but not as a chore), to find a devotional that encourages me to spend time with God, and to surround myself with loving and genuine friends. But throughout this year, despite failures and trials, I will remember He is not finished with me yet and hope in the woman God created me to become.